You Want ME to Help Pay for YOUR Wedding?

March 16, 2011 in Etiquette,Weddings

Let’s say you have a friend who got engaged.  You’re excited for them and their wedding planning and then you see that they posted this on Facebook (wording slightly changed to protect the identity of the poster):

It’s been a year since we got engaged and we have finally chosen a date for the wedding!  We have already selected and paid for the venue, but we are using all of the money we make for the wedding and honeymoon.  It costs a lot to have a nice wedding.  It doesn’t matter what you give, every penny helps!

Then there’s a link for you to donate to the wedding.  If you’re anything like me, you have an “Oh no, they didn’t!” moment. 

Something about this concept really rubs me the wrong way (and not because I’m single and not getting married anytime soon).  It’s great to have a nice event to celebrate your marriage with family and friends, but it’s also possible to have a small, simple and inexpensive wedding.  One of my bride friends once said that “guests have it soooo easy, all they have to do is show up,” but after going to years of engagement parties, bridal showers, lingerie showers, bachelorette parties and weddings, I don’t feel  inclined to make a cash contribution for someone’s big day.

I’ve spent more at Crate and Barrel and Victoria’s Secret for people getting married than I ever would for myself (says the girl who has IKEA dishes and often buys panties in a pack at Target).  I’ve also cut lots of pieces of wedding cake and passed out hundreds of programs because I love my friends and I want to support them…but I don’t think I’ll help pay for any weddings until I’m walking down the aisle.

The couple has raised over $100, so some people must think it’s a good idea.  Would you help a friend pay for their wedding?

Thanks to LR to pointing out the Facebook post.

Photo: sxc.hu

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Lauren R March 16, 2011 at 6:38 pm

As we have discussed, the better question is “How much do I have to donate to get an invite to the wedding?”

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single&saving March 17, 2011 at 5:08 pm

A little more than it would cost to feed you? You should donate so we can find out 😉

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Newlyweds on a Budget March 20, 2011 at 4:57 pm

um wow…no.
I’ve heard of some pretty crazy things but I’m always shocked when I see a complete disregard of etiquette. My husband and I decided to get married in 3 weeks, and we had a small backyard wedding with 50 guests that cost about $3000 which my parents paid for. It wasn’t the wedding of my dreams, but we didn’t accumulate any debt. In the end, it’s supposed to be about the MARRIAGE right? haha…
although I do think it would be more appropriate for them to ask for a donation to their honeymoon as their gifts rather than stuff.

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single&saving March 21, 2011 at 11:50 am

Thanks for your newlywed perspective! Your comment reminded me that I gave to someone’s Honeyfund registry last year. That’s way more reasonable than asking for guests to help pay for the wedding.

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Manisha December 12, 2011 at 1:42 am

this is interesting– while I don’t think this is a great idea for couples, I wouldn’t mind ‘donating” in lieu of a gift. If the message was worded something along the lines of “give us a wedding donation in lieu of gift” i would definitely think it was tacky but I think it would be ok to ‘donate’ in the amount of what I would spend on a gift.

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Single & Saving December 12, 2011 at 7:59 pm

I like the way you worded it much better than how they came across on their facebook post. Weddings are really expensive, so I understand wanting some extra help to have one, but they probably could have gone about it in a more tactful way. They’re married now and seem like they really enjoyed their big day.

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