Single People Can Be Busy Too

November 20, 2011 in Singleness

The other day I was having a conversation with someone about getting ready for the holidays.  I said something like “December is going to be really busy” and she responded with “You have no idea! Things will actually get busy for you when you get married and have kids.”  With that statement, the conversation ended and I felt offended.

While I understand that being married and/or a parent adds constraints to a married woman’s schedule, the fact that I’m not married doesn’t mean that I’m not busy.  It’s not uncommon for single people to hear comments like this.  Even some of my friends who have only been married for a few months say things in passing that make it seem like being single means that your life that has few obligations.  I have a full-time job and volunteer weekly at church and for other organizations.  I do all of my own laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning in my downtime.  I also try to maintain a social life.  I may not have kids or a husband, but I have a full life. 

As singles, we may have added flexibility in our schedules but it’s unfair (and maybe a little arrogant) for anyone to tell us that it isn’t possible for us to be busy.  Those kinds of comments can convey that our lives may be less valuable and fulfilling than if we were married with kids.  A lot of single people already struggle with the fact that they’re single, so it doesn’t help when married folks tell us that we aren’t busy.

Instead of playing a game of “I’m busier than you are,” it would be great if our married friends could empathize with us and think back to what it was really like to be single.  The holidays can be particularly awkward for single gals who will be interrogated at family gatherings about why they aren’t married yet and the only one at the work Christmas party without a date.    I know that married people can be busy, but so can we.  We aren’t losers because we haven’t walked down the aisle yet.  Be kind to your single friends.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Mandi November 21, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I can so relate to this! Especially the being interrogated by family.. it’s quite annoying.

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Single & Saving November 21, 2011 at 7:46 pm

So annoying! Especially since they don’t seem to think that they’re being rude.

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classycareergirl December 1, 2011 at 4:08 am

I’m not single but I respect your thoughts. :)

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Janet Aronica January 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

Totally get this! Also annoying: all those other times around the year when you hear things like “Oh I’m so glad I don’t have to do X anymore now that I’m in a *relationship*.” Love the blog.

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whatever June 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

You are showing your own kind of insensitivity. Towards males.
I get soooooo tired of blogs like yours, where the subject matter is
covered in way that seems to indicate these situations are only
only happening to females.

Instead of saying:
“While I understand that being married and/or a parent adds constraints to a married WOMAN’s schedule”,
Why don’t you say “to a married PERSON’S schedule”.

Single GUYS get interrogated too, as to why they are still single, not just single GALS.

I’m getting so fed up with women always complaining about equality in all things, and yet acting and talking so female-centric at the same time.
Why don’t you take a look at your own blind spots, and try to remember that we are ALL HUMAN first, before being male and female, and in being HUMAN first, both sexes face a lot of similar situations in life. Broaden your horizons.

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Single & Saving July 19, 2012 at 8:31 pm

It’s unfortunate that single guys get crap about being single, but I write a from my perspective as a single woman. Yeah, we’re all human, but this is a personal blog that contains my personal opinions, so it’s going to be female-centric. Honestly, it’s pretty me-centric…if I were writing an academic paper on a news article, I’d put more effort in to inclusiveness.

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