I Signed Up for eHarmony (and I Might Already Regret It)

May 21, 2012 in Dating,Singleness

After  discussions with some friends and input from a few lovely readers and twitter followers, I decided to take a risk and sign up for eHarmony.  With some liquid courage in the form of Chardonnay, I took the assessment, pulled out my credit card and became a 3-month subscriber.  I’m going to trust my usually wise friends about doing this, but I’m feeling a little regret about shelling out more than $100 for a dating site.  I’ve heard the rationalization that you can even out that cost with the free meals you’ll get on dates, but I’m not so sure I want to meet most of the men who have made their way to the “My Matches” section of my page.

Since this is a 72 hour phenomena for me, it’s probably too soon to start complaining about it being a big waste of money, so I’ll just leave you with my first impressions:

  • Do people not have friends who can take pictures for them?  You, taking a picture of yourself in your bathroom mirror = not attractive.
  • Are men on eHarmony shorter than men in the normal population?  I’m only 5’6, but it seems like I might tower over most of these guys if we were to meet in person.
  • If you put something on your profile that makes you easy to google, maybe you should change that.  Especially when a website that divulges your criminal history is the second thing that comes up about you.
  • Is it shallow of me to want to archive matches if the guy is wearing a football jersey (and clearly not an athlete), mock turtlenecks or sunglasses indoors? For some reason these clothing choices make me cringe.
  • what do people have against capitalization? there are a lot of men who don’t believe in using the shift key when they write their profiles.
  • And what do people have against proofreading? So you work in “manufactoring” and live in “Atalanta?”

I know I’m not perfect and there may be something on my profile that annoys someone out there, but wow…this could be a long three months.  If you’ve tried online dating, I’d love your advice.  Speak up! I want to hear the good, bad and the ugly.

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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

Melissa Say What? May 21, 2012 at 9:19 pm

These are all valid concerns, to me.

Free meals: BLAH. I’m a blogger.

Self-portraits: aka bathroom photos: Nah, they probably don’t want their friends to know they’ve resorted to online dating.

Why? because their friends are probably taller then them!

Googlicious? They’re probably not very computer/internet savvy.

Shallow? Not at all. I thought eHarmony was the REAL thing, not the I want to be a INSERT PROFESSION OR HOBBY to impress my potential wife here.

Capitalization: If you’re paying for something, you should most certainly expect proper grammar, punctuation or capitalization, otherwise you might question whose credit card they’re using for the service and whether it’s a PREPAID visa!!

Proofreading. Seriously? All of the technology you need is right HERE. You don’t even have to have a pirated copy of Microsoft Word to figure it out.

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Single & Saving May 21, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Thank you for agreeing that my concerns are valid. That makes me feel better (I was feeling a little mean after pressing “post”) but that’s genuinely how I feel. I’m really glad that I’m not the only one who feels like proper grammar is a reasonable expectation. After I posted, a new match had a picture that was timestamped 1997. This will definitely be an adventure.

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Melissa Say What? May 23, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Haha! Now I know why we agree on so many things! We share the same birthday 8/30!! Oh, Virgos! Thanks for your comment on my site!

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Mandi May 21, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I have a few on-line profiles–I’m not a paid member to any of them yet. I guess I’m still not totally convinced that I should pursue on-line dating. I wish they offered coupons. Lol. Let me know how it goes for you, maybe I will get a subscription.

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Single & Saving May 21, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Katie is right, you can definitely find coupon codes for different sites out there! I came across several for eHarmony, but it’s not a huge savings. Maybe I convince you to sign up if this isn’t a complete disaster? Haha.

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Katie May 21, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Oh my goodness I am confident the $100 will be worth it if for no other reason than the amazing blog posts that will be written as a result! Hahah loved this one. And it only takes ONE good match. Don’t let the oddballs get you down!!

And PS there are totally coupon codes available for eharmony. Not that I have ever used one (multiple times)…but I hope you found one! Also, they do refunds if you decide to bail after a month. But please don’t give up too soon!

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Single & Saving May 21, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Don’t worry, I’m going to stick this out through the end of my subscription. If the last few days have been any indication, there will be plenty of amusement ahead from the craziness that have been entering my inbox. I don’t have high hopes of finding the love of my life, but I’m hoping for at least one date (so I can cross it off of my 30 Before 30 list). Either way, I’m sure there will be more posts written about the experience :)

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JAMES May 22, 2012 at 8:44 am

Try POF.com. Plenty of fish. It is the same as eharmony yet it is free. I did eharmony many years ago and was very disappointed with the site.

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Single & Saving May 22, 2012 at 10:51 pm

One of my friends recently met her boyfriend on Plenty of Fish. Great suggestion!

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Heather May 22, 2012 at 11:35 am

I’m an eharmony success story…as is my mom. Patience is the key.
You aren’t going to find the right person the first week…or even the first month.
The key is, be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want.
Be picky.
And talk to people. I talked to and went on dates with a few guys. When I started talking to my current bf, we talked literally 3 months before I agreed to go out on a date.
Totally worth it.

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Single & Saving May 22, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Thanks for giving me some hope about eHarmony with your comment, Heather. I really like your advice about being picky because I’ve been wondering if I’ve been too critical so far. For something like online dating, it seems like being picky is the most prudent approach. I really appreciate your tips and encouragement!

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Kalee May 22, 2012 at 10:52 pm

LOL! Your bullets made me literally laugh. I say go for it. I have a close friend that did Match.com and found his wife! He met her online the very last day she was signed up. Crazy, huh? Jake and I were also set up on a semi-blind date. We talked on Facebook about a week before to make sure I knew what he looked like and wasn’t a weirdo of course. Otherwise, we met on our first date and talked on the phone for the first time as I was pulling into the parking lot (I met him since I didn’t know him yet–safer). Good luck girlie!!

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Single & Saving May 22, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Thanks, Kalee! I love your friend’s Match.com story…that’s so crazy that they met on the last day she was signed up. I’m really glad to know that blind dates and meeting online can work out. This keeps me optimistic that there are some normal, quality guys out there.

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Melissa Say What? May 23, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Good things CAN come of it, but keep your expectations high and be patient enough to weed through things. In the process, you might find yourself “picking your battles” per se. Now that I think about it, if I had met my current boyfriend online, I could easily picture myself correcting his grammar every 10 seconds or so. I’m still stuck on my hard-nosed opinions for the other stuff, but things are not always what they seem, so maybe that guy in the jersey could have something going for him. Here’s that darn other side of Virgo….maybe they don’t think that what they’re wearing is important so long as they maintain proper hygiene. Do their interests or profession so they’re the type of guy who doesn’t mind putting a suit on or even a nice pair of dress shoes with a pair of jeans and a crisp white shirt for a date (if that’s what you like). In other words, use many factors to gauge these things. Versatility can be found in through many different avenues. To me, it’s nice to have a guy who is versatile if the first impression is not your “ideal” mate. As long as I can remember, those I ended up dating for long periods of time didn’t always involve instant attraction. I’m rambling. I’ll shut up now.

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Cassy May 28, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I stumbled upon this page, and I say that online dating is absolutely worth it. I actually just get engaged to my boyfriend, who I initially met online. Oddly enough, we literally passed each other every day on the interstate and never ran into each other until the internet facilitated it. I tried eHarmony myself, but I was frustrated that I was a paying subscriber while many weren’t. I ended up using okcupid.com, LOVED IT, always recommend it! It’s totally free and there’s all kinds of quirky little things to do and matching qualifiers so that it’s more than just plunking your face up on a digital bulletin board somewhere. If the eHarmony thing is a bust, I’d say that you should check that out!

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Single & Saving May 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Congratulations on your engagement! I seems like only a fraction of the people who I’m matched with are paying subscribers, so I can relate with that frustration. I’ll have to look into OkCupid if I’m not too scared from my eHarmony experience. Nothing beats free and successful!

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Krystyn June 15, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Oh goodness…those are some valid points! Seriously.

We have some neighbors that met on eharmony, got married and now have a kiddo. But, I don’t know how many months in they were before finding each other!

Hopefully, there is somebody equally as awesome as you that put themself out there for you to meet!

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Single & Saving June 19, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Thanks, Krystyn! I’m not sure that I’ll be an eHarmony success story with the luck I’ve had so far, but it’s good to know that it actually works. There have to be some normal single guys left out there, right?

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Sheri August 2, 2012 at 1:03 am

I love your blog, and I’m glad to see that I’m not the only person having issues with eharmony. Funny thing though, my problem is almost the reverse of yours- I’m a big girl and eharmony keeps pairing me up with jocks! It often makes for nice eye-candy ( ;-) ), but not very realistic matches, especially since I keep getting notification that a bunch of matches I didn’t even know about archived me (not great for the ego!).

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Single & Saving August 2, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I’m sorry that you’re not loving eHarmony either, but it makes me feel better to know that it can be frustrating for other people too. At least you’re getting a little eye candy in your inbox :) I hope their magical matching process brings someone more compatible your way. Thanks for stopping by.

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Georgina September 18, 2013 at 11:23 pm

I signed up for eHarmony and I was on there for a month before finding my now fiancé – we dated for a few years prior. We are both tall, successfull and social business types, who were dissatisfied with the people we were meeting in daily life. I think there’s less of a stigma attached to Internet dating nowadays with the Millennials using tinder, et al – but I’m still not 100% open with people about how we met. I’d recommend if people are dissatisfied with their matches, they ask themselves why. For example: Sheri, above, could adjust her self perception and physical requirements in the opposite sex sections of the questionnaire – which might give her more realistic results.

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Kathy December 21, 2013 at 7:13 pm

I signed up for eHarmony and filled out the profile only to receive a response that said …”you’re too good to be true. We don’t have any matches for you at this time.” Talk about rejection. LOL Made me wonder what type of guys do they have on their site.

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Single & Saving December 23, 2013 at 10:09 pm

Oh no! I hope you took “too good to be true” as a compliment.

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Josey December 26, 2013 at 6:14 pm

I signed up on eharmony in June but never paid- now they have an offer of $7.75 per month and I am thinking seriously of signing up–have you been successful so far?

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Single & Saving December 29, 2013 at 10:38 pm

$7.75 a month sounds like a pretty good deal. I went on a few dates, but it didn’t work out for me. Some of my friends met their husbands on eHarmony, so it’s worth a try (especially when the price is right).

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Angie December 26, 2013 at 9:37 pm

Well, it’s really comforting to know I am not alone in the disappointment. I signed up with eharmony exactly a week ago today, and since then I have only received only ONE(1) match which I couldn’t believe is not a believer in God at all, and I placed in my profile that I was a Christian.

I emailed them a few times venting my frustration, and they did give me some form of comfort. I thought my odds would be greater if I signed up without doing any free trial. I thought paying would make a difference, but to my surprise it didn’t. Anyhow, I am going to try and give it some time. What I don’t seem to understand, is that I haven’t even received a single visitor, I don’t have horns coming out of my head, I am not a model or anything, but I do carry myself with pride. Am I the only person with this situation? I am holding on, but it has me feeling a little frustrated about this whole process since I’m fairly new to it.

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Single & Saving December 29, 2013 at 10:32 pm

Don’t feel like you’re alone, Angie. My eHarmony experience was frustrating too. During the last month of my subscription they sent me two or three matches a day, but I didn’t get any visitors. I’ve heard that a lot of these matches may no longer be current subscribers, so they may not even know that your profile is sitting in their inbox. Sending good online dating vibes your way!

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